


You’re Just So Tiny!

by Ourfandomcrazyuniverse



Category: StarKid Productions RPF, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid, tgwdlm - Fandom
Genre: Alice mentioned - Freeform, Drunk Paul, F/M, Not angst dw, Paul is many types of drunk person, Protective Paul, Ted and Emma have a bickering banterous kinda flirtatious relationship, The ccrp gang are all friends and have a nice life, you can choose if Melissa likes Emma or is just shy when it comes to any affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 11:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourfandomcrazyuniverse/pseuds/Ourfandomcrazyuniverse
Summary: Paul and Emma go to a club with CCRP for a birthday party, Paul is wasted but what will happen when he thinks he sees Ted harassing Emma





	You’re Just So Tiny!

They were at a nightclub together for some douches birthday party in CCRP. Well, Emma hadn’t met that particular work friend of Pauls, but presumed they were a douche because who in their near 40’s would have a party in a club like this? She was invited anyway as Paul’s plus one, and they all got a free drink while they were there so she decided fuck it, it would give her a reason to get out of the house. Plus Emma hadn’t seen her and Paul’s friends, outside of when she brought them coffee at work, in ages. And there was the factor that she wanted to see what Bill was like drunk.

“Bill’s not going to get drunk.” Paul told Emma as they pulled out of the Uber, Paul giving her a hand to help her out the door, neither of them let go as they walked towards the entrance. “I’m pretty sure he’s the designated driver for like 10 people tonight. Plus I don’t think I’ve seen him get drunk since Alice was born.” Paul laughed but then looked up, searching. “In fact I don’t think he’s been drunk since he figured out he was gonna be a dad in the first place.” He mused. Emma elbowed him in the chest. “Man, Paul! That was the only reason I came out tonight.” She sighed like she was deeply disappointed in this revelation. Emma gave her hand to the woman at the entrance who stamped her, then Paul, with the clubs logo, so they could get back in. She waited for Paul to catch up, out of earshot of her. “At least tell me I’m still getting free booze.” 

Paul wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting her hold onto his middle, back, as he looked over the sea of heads to find someone he knew. “You get one free glass of champagne.” He muttered, waving over to Charlotte, thinking she’d spotted him. She hadn’t. He put his hand down quickly, “Anyway you’re on my tab tonight, after all it’s payday.” He smiled down at her, in between parting the crowd and holding her tight to him so they could both get through.

“Oh Paul.” Emma smirked at him, narrowly avoiding getting someone’s beer on her shoes. “What would I do without you?”

Quickly they found their way to their own little group of friends. Paul hugged Bill and Charlotte as Emma hugged Melissa and took part in her fake shoot out with Ted, something that had become sort of a ritual for them.  
“Aha!” Emma smirked gleefully, holstering her fake weapon, victorious. “That’s 40 to 31, you’re getting slow Ted.”

“It’s not fair if I’m already wasted!” Ted groaned, not bothering with the charade any more. He downed his wine and slammed the glass down, swapping it for the champagne Bill was attempting to drink from as his only drink of the night. Emma gave him a pitiful smile as he didn’t say anything.

“Besides!” Ted continued, walking forward with some difficulty. He pointed a finger at her and waggled it in the air till it pressed against the centre of her forehead. Emma allowed it, but crossed her arms to show she didn’t necessarily approve. “You’re at an advantage!” He gave as an excuse. “You can just shoot and you’ll hit me in my dick or something! Me? I have to aim way _waaaaay_ downwards to even scathe... the tip... of your... head.” He pressed his finger into her and slashed it sideways, dragging Emma’s head along, her eyes rolling of their own accord though. 

Paul stepped in then, throwing his hand down on Ted’s shoulder from behind. “Maybe we should sober up a little, hey?” He shouted over the music that started to blare ‘happy birthday‘. Paul walked in front of him to stand by Emma. “Come on, the birthday boy’s arriving.” He reasoned. Ted just shrugged like it really didn’t matter either way. Emma watched as he stumbled to a glass of water, downed it, then winked to her. “Catch ya later short stuff.”

“Hopefully not!” Emma called back, laughing as he fell into his own boss as he went merrily on his way. She hugged Paul tighter, looking up to him to see if he was watching Ted make a fool of himself and saw he was only looking at her. She blushed, which thankfully couldn’t be seen over the blue spotlight hitting their seating area right now. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the rest of their friends. “C’mon, you promised me a drink.”

It was a couple of hours in and, Emma had to admit, she was having a lot more fun than she expected. Most random bar goers had left when realising they were outnumbered by basically everyone from CCRP and their plus ones, so she didn’t have to deal with too many strangers. But the best part was that Paul had actually gotten drunk, and he was dancing with her! His chest was pressed against her back as she danced flirtatiously, his head bent to kiss her cheek or whichever part of her face he could whenever she tilted her head to the left, and his hands were warm from the alcohol and heat of the club as they smoothed up her arms. She watched as Charlotte and Bill called out to them from where they were doing some sort of ancient boogie and even Melissa whistled at them from her seat next to an asleep Mr. Davidson.

Emma had to pat Paul’s chest as he wanted to move on to the next song immediately. “Woah. 5 minutes? I need another drink.” She laughed breathlessly and quite drunk herself, although somehow not as much as Paul. She suspected he’d tried to win another drinking competition for Charlotte that Ted had pestered him to join, when she and Mel went to the bathroom. Paul nodded eagerly. “Sure, 5 minutes? Yeah I can do that! Easy peasy! For my lit- lil laaatteee hoootaaaayyyy.” He slur-sang the last two words. And Emma threw her head back in laughter. “You-“ she poked her finger at him, and he grabbed it and held it to his heart “-only use that name when you’re too drunk to be embarrassed, so you are very embarrassed- err- I mean the other one! You’re so very very drunk Mr. Matthews.”

“Erm, that’s Mr. PERKINS thankyouveymuch!” He leaned close and jiggled his head like a school yard bully teasing her. Except when she pushed him away he just laughed harder, trying to support her valiantly as they walked but ending up dragging her all over the place instead, somehow they eventually made it to their booth. Emma sat Paul down, who sighed happily, seeming shocked to see Melissa there. “Melissa! Hey guuuurl how are you!”  
Bill sidled down next to Paul, slightly huffing from his little dance routine but still the only sober one at their table, even Melissa was a little tipsy, as evidenced by her confidence in Paul’s jokes, and Charlotte looked like she was swallowing back sick. Emma slapped her hand on Bills shoulder to slightly stay her swaying. “Look after Mr. Perkins a moment while I fetch our drinks.” She asked him, holding out Paul’s wallet victorious and Paul looking like he was about to cry from happiness because Emma called him that. Bill started to turn 3 shades paler. “Wait- did he propose- like, right now?” He asked, looking to Charlotte for back up and she actually seemed to be paying attention now.

“No!” Emma laughed, having to hold back tears as she doubled over, wheezing. Bill getting his hands out in case she fell, which wasn’t helped by Paul resting on his shoulder, laughing too. Even Melissa joined in on the giggles, just from seeing others laugh, laughter bubbling up from her throat and she was banging the table, which woke Mr. Davidson up with a fright. Emma calmed herself down to look at the nervously chucking Bill. “Nah it’s just something Paul said, in his _verrrrrry_ drunken state.” She rolled her ‘r’.

“That’s me!” Paul pointed out, looking to Charlotte proudly, who gave him a half thumbs up, before leaning his head on Bills lap. “Oh Billy boy, you’re hilarious.” He chuckled to himself.

Emma giggled too. “Okay now I’m really going to get drinks.” She straightened up determinedly and began to walk off. 

“Bye!” Paul called out to her. “I love you! I love you Emma!”

She was only a step further than she was before, no need to shout. Maybe his depth perception was off as he seemed shocked when her hand reached his cheek, but in a happy way, closing his eyes as her thumb rubbed over it. “Yeah yeah, I love you too.” She smiled, before deciding that was close enough to Bill’s crotch and skipping off to the bar.

“Four tequilas please.” Emma gave the bartender a cheers gesture before slumping on her elbows and waiting, it was still fairly busy in the club. Which was why she didn’t see Ted until his face was right in front of hers. 

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” She gasped, pressing her hand against his chest and covering her eyes with the other, letting him go soon after.

“Not exactly, but closer than you’d think.” Ted snarked. He watched her hand leave his chest with a raised eyebrow, whatever reaction he was expecting it wasn’t that.

“Don’t scare me like that!” But two seconds later and she was laughing about it.

“Oh am I really that scary?” Ted narrowed his eyes and shook his head at her dismissively, before leaning down closer to her height. “Am I a big, bad wolf?” He teased, downing the shot he had in his hand.

“Yeah,” Emma commented, turning to face him, mirroring the look he had on just then. “Every time I see that moustache I wanna shit myself.” She smiled into the drink Ted offered her/she stole from Ted, she wasn’t exactly sure, before quickly spitting it back into his glass. Yup, it was definitely bourbon.

Ted gave her a disgusted look, chucking the liquid out behind his back like no one would care. “Don’t be fucking gross.” He grumbled, raising his hand for the bartender to notice him.

“No I mean it, it’s horrifying that two people can fuck and _that_ can be the result of it!” Emma went on, raising her hands to him. Only to look up and see his face and to burst into laughter again. She punched his shoulder, he looked like an angry toddler.  
“Oh I looooove pissing you off.” She sigh-giggled, picking up a handful of the pretzels on the counter and tipping them into her mouth.

“Yeah... well!..” Ted started, determinedly. Emma raised her eyebrow in wait, it was a little late for a comeback but all the better to tease him with. Ted’s face lit up. “If anyone fucked you you wouldn’t need kids to tell you were ugly!” He nodded his head at her, in a ‘take that!’ way. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that made no sense at all, or maybe she was drunker than she thought.

The bartender came back with Emma’s shots. He ignored Ted as he started to speak and walked off to someone else. Ted looked pissed. She chuckled, downing one of her shots since three were easier to carry than four. “Yeah well, in your dreams bud.” She finished, no conversation with Ted mattered now she had booze in her hands. She _had_ booze in her hands. Ted took two and downed them before Emma could notice. “Hey-!” She tried, swiping the fourth one close to her chest and swallowing most of it in her haste. “You have to pay for that y’know, I’m not buying _you_ a-

“You know it did happen once.” He mused, stroking through his moustache. Emma sighed, how drunk was he? “Excuse me?” She tried anyway.

“Us sleeping together.”

Emma’s heart stopped.

“In a dream, I meant! ‘In my dreams?’” He quickly rectified, swooping in to layer his hand over Emma’s. “You wouldn’t forget this.” he winked, pointing to himself. Then he took the shot glass out of Emma’s hand and downed the rest she’d failed to have. Emma wanted to throw up in his face, ugh, just her perfect fucking night fucking ruined, she began turning away from him but his voice stopping her. 

“But then you turned into my mom, so that got fuckin weird quick.”

She cautiously looked to him, and saw him leaning against the counter, arms crossed and smiling at the ceiling. Oh man he’d won this round. “Bastard.” She smiled coyly.

Ted looked down to her, huffing with a chuckle. “Bitch.”

Then there was the ‘THWACK’, Ted’s scream and the gasps of every nearby bar patron, including Emma’s own, she realised. Ted’s head rolled back and his lip was bleeding! He put his hand to it, then pulled it in front of him, looking at it dizzily. “Is this?..” his voice was unnaturally high in pitch. And then- “Am I bleeding?!”

Emma’s eyes scanned for the perpetrator but it didn’t take her long at all. He was still standing in front of Ted, balled fist raised and shoulders rising and falling with his heavy breaths, Bill between him and Ted freaking out. It was Paul. Paul had punched Ted!  
And not only had he punched him, it was square in the jaw, almost professional, something she didn’t think her hammered, typically non-aggressive, beanstalk of a boyfriend could do. “Paul!” Emma hissed, taking his fist in hers and looking it over, his knuckles were white and she was sure that’d hurt in the morning. But unfortunately the stupor and shock of getting hit in the face could only hold Ted’s realisation back for a moment longer. As it was clear to see from Paul’s stony death glare, who had thumped him. 

“He punched me!” Ted gasped, looking to Bill who was supporting him on one side, and Charlotte who was fanning over his cut lip on the other. “Fucking punched me! Right in my face!”

Emma was in shock, Paul still hadn’t said anything and Emma knew Ted was the type to fight back, she braced herself for the worst, until, that is, Melissa piped up.

“Uhm!” Melissa had to speak quite loudly, standing on her toes to get the attention of the others. “I’m gonna take Paul and Emma outside! Ted, Bill and Charlotte will look after you.” She turned to Emma, looking to she if she did good. Emma gave her the most grateful look she had, before urging her to help her carry a drunk and seemingly catatonic Paul to the parking lot. Unfortunately not fast enough.

“I don’t need looking after!” Ted shouted, being pushed back by Bill who was much more capable than him right now. “I need to kick his knees in!”

“Yeah well why don’t you kick my head and suck my balls Ted!” Melissa’s eyes basically popped out of her skull and even Emma’s mouth hung open. “Paul!” She exclaimed before yanking him yet again.  
“Stay away from Emma you fucking creep!”

Emma felt herself getting red in the face, while Melissa was begging Paul to quieten down as they tried to get past the security without them asking questions. Soon enough they were outside and they could let him go, as Emma placed him on the sidewalk. “Sit down.” She ordered him worriedly. She started to bite down on her nails, her anxious look matching Melissa’s who pulled up her phone to call a cab for her friends. “What just happened?!” Melissa squealed quietly to Emma, who just shrugged, equally as confused. 

Paul interrupted. “No! No I don’t wanna sit down!” He moaned defensively, stomping up and marching towards the girls, swinging his arms around Emma and flattening her against his chest, her face smushed against him as she wasn’t expecting the sudden embrace. “He won’t touch you, I’ll protect you. He’s not a nice man Emma! He’s a bad... bad..!”

“Yes, bad bad man Paul. But you might wanna let Emma go before she suffocates.” Melissa informed him, eyeing the flailing Emma caught under his arms nervously.

Emma gasped for air upon being released, her first look shot straight to Melissa to silently thank her, and to see if she had gotten hold of a cab yet, her second to Paul and she was only in for another shock as she saw him burst into tears as soon as she laid eyes on him.

“Paul!” She exclaimed, trying to pry his hands away from his face as he covered his eyes, head bent guiltily. “I- I didn’t mean to hurt you! Now Melissa thinks I’m a bad boyfriend!” He choked out, rubbing unsuccessfully at his eyes.

“No Paul, I could never think that.” Melissa jumped in, rubbing Paul’s shoulder a little awkwardly as she didn’t want him to collapse on her. “You and Emma are wonderful together. Sometimes I wish someone would just give Ted a smack in the face.” Then she realised what she’d said, and that someone had in fact done that. “Although not literally oh my _God._ _Paul!_” Her teeth clenched and it looked like she was gonna shatter them. “You assaulted a coworker!”

Paul wiped his nose with his sleeve, leaning onto Emma sadly which was quite hard for her since she was 13 inches shorter, luckily she was still strong. She managed to grab his shoulders and ease him into a better sitting position on the curb, letting him rest his head against her as she sat with him. He decided to nuzzle under her chin instead and she rubbed his arm supportively. “I’m sure Ted’ll forget all about in in the morning. I’ll tell him he made out with a vampire or something.” She said to calm Paul and Melissa down, who was now pacing more frantically.

Paul sighed, grabbing Emma’s attention back from Melissa. “You’re the best Em, truly wonder- amaz-“ he started to tear up again. 

“Oh Paul.” Emma exhaled softly, urging him to rest his head in her lap because he was starting to get fiddly, and the last thing she needed was him running off. 

“No...” he sniffed, looking up at her with a bright smile. “I’m just crying because you’re perfect.” The honesty and intimacy of the moment shocked Emma for a second, because even though she felt she was far from perfect, his eyes weren’t that of a drunk mans... until. 

“MEL-SSA!!” 

Emma jumped slightly and Melissa turned to him wide eyed, smiling in apology at the passerby’s he’d startled. 

“Melissa, Emma’s the greatest girlfriend... ever!” He stated proudly, bolting upwards and almost bashing Emma’s chin. He tried to stand and Emma grabbed his hand to lead him back down, he looked confused when he realised he was back in the same place. 

“Yeah I know, Emma’s amazing, isn’t she?” She gave Emma a friendly wink, and Emma chuckled back at her. At least Paul wasn’t crying anymore. 

Giving up with her phone Melissa waved down a passing cab and helped Emma haul Paul into it. Paul quickly sat down and put his seatbelt on, or at least tried to.  
Emma grabbed the sides and leaned out the door. “Tell everyone sorry we had to leave early, and sorry for Paul.” She looked back to him half amused and half concerned with how she was gonna get his ass into bed. 

“Oh no worries. I’m sure if he remembers this tomorrow he’ll apologise himself too.” Melissa added sweetly, waving to Paul from her gap through the open door. He waved back cheerily, enthusiastically. 

“Oh trust me, I’m telling him.” Emma smirked at him as she spoke, something he was blissfully unaware of, going through the contents of his pockets like he was surprised at what he found in there. When Emma turned back she quickly poked her head out to give Melissa a peck on the cheek. 

Melissa immediately turned pink.

“Thanks for the quick thinking back there, I’m sure Ted could have started a brawl throughout the entire club if you hadn’t stepped in; and thanks for helping me with Paul, Mel. I’m sure he’ll give you a fruit basket or some shit when he realises what happened tomorrow, just for you to forget. Oh, and next time you come to Beanies, the drink‘s on me.” Emma had to put her body fully in the car now as the driver was getting impatient. But she rolled the window down to say her goodbyes to the bashful Melissa in time. Then she turned around with a sigh. Paul looked back at her like he didn’t have a care in the world. That’s when she noticed.  
“Oh my god Paul, seatbelts!”

Emma had managed to position Paul against the wall in a way he wouldn’t topple over long enough for her to get her key in the front door.

“Alright you big lug, get in here.” Emma helped him into the living room by taking his hand before flicking the light on and having to let go so she could lock the door behind her. As she fiddled with the bolt on the door, still somewhat drunk herself, she felt arms wrap around her chest and Paul trying very hard to press kisses against her neck, which sometimes meant he kissed the door itself instead. It was still very distracting.  
“Pauuuul.” She moaned half annoyed half giddy. He chuckled, his breath tickling Emma’s neck and she rolled her shoulders, trying to get a grip. Spinning around she was met with a very dizzy face as he tried to follow her. He smiled with half lidded eyes, leaning in with big pursed lips and making kissing noises. She laughed, batting his face away softly before trying to lead him upstairs. “Come on, it’s late, and you’re gonna have a killer hangover in the morning.”

“Hmmm. All the more reason to stay up and talk to you then!” Paul chimed, squeezing her hand gently.

“Ooh if you can argue back like that you must be sobering up, I guess that means you can take your own shoes off then.” Emma teased, flicking the switch for downstairs off as she reached the top, helping a stumbling Paul down their hallway. 

“Nope!” Paul spoke up, trying to straighten himself to give Emma some help. “I want you to do that. I’m sooooo wasted! Waaah!” He stuck his tongue out and made a typical ‘bro’ sign, as if he thought that’s what most wasted people did. Emma couldn’t help but laugh, steadying him on his feet again when his knees buckled. She stayed there for a while as he kept his head bent and didn’t move forward more. 

“Paul?” She asked, trying to peek under his head to get a look at the expression he was wearing. His head bolted up. Emma started to fret when he looked like he might cry again. 

“D-Did Ted hurt you -mma?” He said, slightly slurred but she got the emotion behind it just fine. She tilted her head to the side and gave a sort of ‘aw/oh!’ noise in response.

“Were you worried about me Paul? Is that why you punched Ted?” Thinking back, from a drunk, outsiders perspective she could see why Paul was worried. How close he was getting, the hand touching, her shocked and possibly repulsed expression, his last word to her being ‘bitch’ before Paul smacked him down, especially if Paul had caught onto the ‘fucking’ conversation. Oh god yeah she could see even a non drunk Paul getting angry if he thought Ted was harassing her.

“Well! Yeah!” Paul said as if it was obvious, honestly Emma would have thought Ted had killed his firstborn the look Paul was scalding him with.  
“You’re just so... tiny!” Paul shouted.

Emma gave him a playful glare, only increasing when he pressed his hand flat to the top of her head, and moved to see where it aligned with his body, measuring her. It took a second for his brain to whir but then he decided. “Yeah you’re tiny Em.”

“Well thanks.” She had to stop herself last second from shoving him, because she didn’t know if he’d be able to stop himself from rolling back and falling down the stairs at this rate. Instead she hopped up and ruffled his hair.  
He looked back gleefully as she came down from her jump, and she just rolled her eyes once more. “It was just, y’know, Ted’s like an annoying 14 year old brother, it was just a bit of banter, plus I’m sure you made up half the shit you thought he said, you must have if you thought it was enough to punch him.”

Paul went between smiling almost proudly at Emma as she told her story to groaning at the mention of Ted. “Yeah well I’d punch him for a lot less.” He muttered saltily.

Emma tried not to show him how happy that made her, covering her face with a cough when-

“Wait, I punched him?”

Emma grabbed his arm and kept tugging. “Come on mister. Bed.” She told him.

“Ah, that’s Mister Perkins! Remememer!” He said enthusiastically, barging through the bedroom door before Emma could get to it. 

“Right. I remember.” Emma smiled to the ground, it was... really sweet, how he kept demanding to be called that.

Paul chuckled drunkly, spinning to face her and using all his coordination skills left to fly his finger onto the top of her nose, and squeak out “Boop!”

Emma gave him a laugh. “Ah yes, the classic boop. You sure got me Paul.” She praised, sitting him down on the bed and untying his laces for him.

“I got you!” He sang out, lowering his voice when he realised. Emma bit her lip, even though people had moved on from all that musical hive shit as a society, it still hurt every individual of Hatchetfield out there. Even Paul this smashed knew he wasn’t supposed to do that. Emma slipped off his left shoe and moved onto his next quietly, only to be picked up under her arms and thrown onto the bed, or rather, on top of Paul.

“And you’ve got me.” He spoke softly.

Emma’s eyes were trained on him, her lip falling slowly, with that feeling of brutal honest intimacy again this night. Her eyes could only move so far from his, rising to his hair and her hand reached out, like in a trance, to stroke through it. And Paul closed his eyes, just to feel it more. His hair was always so soft, something she hadn’t been expecting when she first felt it, she remembered that time so clearly. But she was brought back to the present as Paul leaned upwards, slowly, and planted a firm yet slightly wet kiss on her forehead.

Emma fluttered open her eyes, and watched as Paul did the same. She didn’t really want to leave this position...

But she had a responsibility to look after him when he was this drunk. She spoke quietly. “Let me just take off your other shoe and we can-“

She felt the bumpiness beneath her, and watched Pauls face twist with effort, until she heard the solid thunk of him kicking his last shoe off. She looked back to him with an emotion she didn’t quite understand. Need, gratefulness, happiness, maybe something in between.

But she said and did nothing as Paul gently curled his arm around her and lifted her into a laying position, holding her against his chest. Except she wiggled slightly once she was down so she could see his face more, resting her head on his chest, and he seemed much more pleased with this scenario.  
“Now I’m ready for bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always please please let me know what you think!
> 
> Also in recent news, Robert Manion liked my tweet praising him and Mariah for their heathers cover and I think I actually might have let out a tear, also I just learnt that I, a girl who has only recently turned 18, and according to some scientific studies may still have some growing to do, am TALLER than Jeff blim and I don’t know what to do with this new revelation


End file.
